I deleted the group anime cel collectors on facebook. It had 100 members. I msg'd most of the base save for 27 people as I was deleting them before I deleted myself. Facebook temporarily blocks you for sending new messages and they did that when I had 27 to go including my girlfriend and me..
This is the global post I messaged most of the base with before facebook capped me.
"Thanks for the contributions and posts and sharing your collections. Unfortunately I have decided to close the group Anime Cel Collectors. It has become a stressor for me to handle it, and I'm not in the right place to do so, and relieving myself of it is the best choice here. To continue hosting it doesn't work either, since I am responsible for its creation. So by all means if someone wishes to start another group, they have my permission and encouragement, the name is up for grabs as well. I wish you all well and thanks for the support and good vibes :)"
During December I took a break from administration duties and let my girlfriend handle it, I was having a rough time then.
Anticipation to enjoy things fuels my anxiety and my ability to 'want to get this ironed out' or 'make it right so I can enjoy 'x' thing' is a mess. At current it's my ability of wanting to play the new Zelda. This is a revolving door for me, self sabotage, but that is not a valid excuse. I put my selfishness to enjoy that game first at the expense of all of you. That type of concept was in my thoughts.. It was wrong. It wasn't very respectable to rush to resolve that situation for my own benefit. Truth is, I wanted out of thinking about what had hit the board, it became toxic to me in some ways to see if I had to log in an worry about having to fix things.
I suffer from a anxiety disorder known as OCD that is pretty rough and early morning was a bad morning for me. I have feelings involving copyright, breaking rules and copyright laws and such as well as a myriad of other legitimately rough triggers I've gone through for a long time. Around age 10 it got bad and I'm 33 now and it's there still. I can sometimes skirt around these issues and work with it, but anyone who took a gander at my rules list could probably plainly see the strange specifics involving copyright. This post comes off manipulative in that I even feel using my OCD as a excuse is manipulative speaking. Still, it was my choice to delete it. Despite all of this. I wasn't like 'powerless'.
I had written a message when the group was being finalized for removal stating I'd keep it up till Friday. I knew having deleted myself it'd wipe out all posts from the past and present from all members, and I am sorry for being selfish to my own end and doing that, it didn't last till Friday. That didn't happen. I was fully aware when I did it and I make no excuse. I tried submitting a request to bring the group back from removal, but it may not happen. If it does happen, someone will take it over permanently, and take that responsibility off my shoulders for good, it won't be my girlfriend either, that shouldn't be her responsibility, but shes been a total sweetheart despite it. The hunger for power is a a strange thing, and I should have given up the responsibility last December instead of having my girlfriend handle it.
I am happier not having something I influenced be taken over in ways that may violate my crazy personal rules. I also submitted a chunk of the member list to a member on it that is remaking the group. (Thank you JadeDuo) I'd be happier just being another member so I don't have the feeling of these responsibilities. I still want to walk among you all, just would be better not running it.
Once the nudity issue with posts comes up, I became uncomfortable on how to handle those posts and I am in no place to be in charge of these types of responsibilities. I just want to be a standard member.
I am sorry this happened this way, I conducted myself selfishly for my own ability to enjoy myself in something else at the expense of others..I have moral dilemma's with something I founded and I am aware other people do not care about these things in the way I do, and you shouldn't. You shouldn't be under my burden of issues and it's not fair to you guys. At the same time I shouldn't be under it either because it causes me stresses that suck. So I made a selfish call.
So in closing, I apologize for losing it. I apologize in orchestrating this to what it is. Most importantly of all though, I apologize for deleting the posts and history there by deleting myself and finalizing it.. I knew what that'd do and I did anyways, so my bad... I hope the next group or Anime Cel Collectors part 2 takes off great. Despite my OCD, pin the responsibility on me. I could have risen above and stepped back from it. I also could have stepped back from my Admin position and just surrendered it to someone different. I do feel I was a pretty good admin over all. I chose reason over flagrant abuses and I believe in that and JadeDuo will make a great admin for the new one.
In closing, thanks for the support. You guys made that group what it was.
Also, the new group is up and I'm a regular member now. =) https://www.facebook.com/groups/348416495554600/
Edited Mar 08 at 1:47 PM
