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Weblog
Gay? So what? last modified: Tuesday, May 09, 2006 (4:54:38 AM) Ok, I'm a simple gal with a bad history with guys - every guy I dated treated me like crap, last partner and father to my children, left me when my son was 13 months old and with my unborn daughter (my son is now 5 and my daughter is now 3) and haven't dated since then... or really had anything to do with guys since then, so it's been awhile since I had contact with men. Well I really only know 2 guys who are both gay and they are wonderful fellas.
Now at University, I have a wonderful friend (who we will call Miss B) who I have know about a year and we get on so great together. A few months ago she introduced me to her group of friends. They are all wonderful too and very welcoming to me and I felt happy to find an excellent bunch of people....
My friend and I have a great friendship - we see each other nearly everyday, we tell each other we love the other, do Tae Kwon Do together, always have a ball everytime we're together and miss one another when we don't see each other... Now over the last few weeks, small comments have been made to me that have got me thinking. Friends in the group have suggested that I maybe gay due to my closeness to Miss B and when I saw them on Friday night (3 nights ago), I could sense something wasn't quite right as they weren't overly friendly or talkative as before - even though they didn't say anything directly to me. What struck my thinking, was when I told my friends that I had a weird dream and in it I had a wife and one of the friends (Miss L) said 'Oh was your wife Miss B?' When I said 'I don't know' awkward silence followed.
I fail to mention that my friends have RPG websites where they don to be different characters and interact within a storyline with other people. On Miss L's site she was being harassed by guys wanting to date her for real, so Miss B became the 'husband' of Miss L to ward off unsavoury attention. So we have carried that joke into real life and it has developed that I am the one TRYING to break their relationship up and take Miss B as my own, therefore Miss L and I are fighting over Miss B.
Miss L has been out of the country touring and when we saw her on Friday night, Miss B said to her that while Miss L was away she was lonely and was driven into the arms of another woman - me, all in good humour but peoples are beginning to think I'm taking it seriously and feels like they are treating me differently than before.
So my wonderings are who cares what my sexual preferences are to these people who claim to be my friends? Shouldn't the only thing matter is that I'm a good person and friend? I have been very good to Miss B (who I am closest to) and have never spoken a bad word about any of these people. I haven't tried to put moves on any of my friends and just because I am not interested in men or really feel attracted to men that on this basis it seems enough to make me gay.
Sorry to ramble guys and if your still reading this I commend you! I will admit that Miss B is a super awesome person and even though she is younger than me, I really feel in awe of her - she is really special, I have NEVER felt this close to another female and yes, I do admit freely that I do love her. So now with my friends subtle hints about my sexual preferences, I am becoming suspicious of myself - are they seeing something in me that I'm not recognising in myself? Is there evidence in my friendship with Miss B to make people question if there is something 'more' to it? I don't know, what I do know is that I don't want to lose my friendship with Miss B. Even with the suspicion, Miss B hasn't treated me any differently, she still glomps me, tells me I'm loved, leans on me, wrestle (for training, I'm just beginning TKD, she is nearly a black belt), comes shopping etc, etc....
Any feedback will be greatly appreciated, it would be nice to get an outsiders point of view of the situation - if you've read this far that is! ^_^
Thanks for reading!
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