Junior's Cels

When you can't have what you want...
last modified: Tuesday, April 07, 2009 (5:13:29 PM)
...it's time to start wanting what you have.

I've always loved that saying. I've spent these past few weeks in careful thought and reflection. My priorities have been jumbled up for quite some time, and only now have I had the time to really hunker down and decide what takes precedence over what.
I see my friends who are continuing their education; their focus and ambition really astound me sometimes. I wish I was more like that, but I lack the motivation. I've been married three years to a great person, but I'd like to get on with our life, like starting a family. In order to do that, I need to finish up my schooling. So summer school it is and then hopefully I can finish up for good in the fall. I've been going to USU for over 7 years now, but I did take a year and a half break. Still, I need to focus and push myself more. I need to study more, I need to contribute to my classes more, I need to speak up and be heard by my professors and classmates. I've always struggled with that. I need to be more assertive, basically.
And then there is my spiritual conditioning that I've sorely neglected. I get so depressed and I know that a big part of why that is is because I've shut the Lord out of my life. Not completely, but enough that there's a need for reparation somewhere. I used to be focused; I had a set routine that has disappeared somewhere. I used to pray, read my scriptures, and looked forward to going to church. My grandma is always telling me: "It's not that you 'have' to go to church, but that you 'get' to go." Ugh. If only she could see how I've turned out! X)
But really, I've lost the focus somewhere and I'm spending too much time in other venues of my life that really don't need all that attention. Like my cel collecting. Jeff and I are trying to save up money for various house projects, yet I see a cel and I just have to get it. I spend his well-earned money for what??? When was the last time he bought something for himself? Again, priorities not like they should be.
So I'm taking a break for now. From anime, from cel collecting, from grazing through all the cel dealer sites 3-4 times a day. I'm done. And once I can get my head back on straight again, I'll come back.
But I won't be gone for good. Anime-Beta and RS will be constantly visited by me. And all you guys, who have been good to me and supportive. This whole experience has been one of the best I've had in my life.
But before I close up for a while, I am expecting two more cels: One of Vash from Trigun and S.P. Icegal from K.O. Beast. Then no more for a while.

When you feel like you've been spread out a little too thin, it's time to take a smaller bite of life. It's time for me to start appreciating all the things I already have.
re: When you can''t have what you want...Tuesday, April 07, 2009 - 6:25:25 PM

oh wow, i am so where you are right now! ive lost my way totally (spritually, physically, ... probably mentally now too. >__< good luck with getting your life back in order! if you need to talk about it, please email me ... phoenix2@cox.net ... maybe we can help each other? :) take care!

re: When you can''t have what you want...Tuesday, April 07, 2009 - 6:27:48 PM

I think you are doing the right thing by stepping back and taking a break. Anytime I''ve felt more guilty about the rising c/c bills or personal life than I do about the cels I''ve bought-- I stop and disappear for a bit. ^_^ Its very refreshing to pick up where you left off in other areas, it will definetely step up your confidence too which in turn increases motivation IMO.
Shortest break I''ve taken is about 5 months and the longest was a full 1.5 yrs just so I could jump start my career.

I wish you the best of luck!
But yes, dont totally leave all together.
Nice thing about this hobby is its a small tight knit group. ^_~

P.S. There''s nothing wrong with wanting to start a family. Just remember its something you *really* want to do and not out of boredom or purpose. I''ve actually met couples that have and it never works out well. :-\ Sorry to sound motherly, lol!

re: When you can''t have what you want...Tuesday, April 07, 2009 - 7:56:09 PM

Thanks amy for your comment - it means a lot to me! And Shampoo - you''re great. Yeah, I think it''s time to start a family, but not because it''s something that I feel I should check off my ''to-do'' list. No, if I start having kids, it''s because I want them. Sorry if it sounded like it was a dreaded chore or something. ;)

re: When you can''t have what you want...Tuesday, April 07, 2009 - 11:48:03 PM

Oh man, I am so where you are especially spiritually. Reading your post just reinforces that I need to step up my game as well. Thank You for putting that back in my face ^_^ Good Luck and please come back! Take care.